“She’s such a wonderful girl,” says Mrs. Brown. “I ‘ve watched her around other children when I take her brother to pre-school and as she’s playing with her younger relatives, and she’s amazing. Not to mention she’s so kind to her aunt and my parents. It’s hard for me not to take it personally and think it’s just me. Why doesn’t she act that way with everyone else?”
Research shows that there is a pattern for the arguments between mothers and their teen daughters. Timing is everything. Disagreements usually happen when they get home after an exhausting day at work and school. Moms switch from work mode to parenting as she attempts to get her daughter to follow rules at home; however, daughter is still in her freedom zone…the one she gets into at school. Daughter’s freedom zone is where she acts out her ability to make decisions independent of mom because she’s out of her mother’s visibility. It’s part of moms’ nature to inquire about how her daughter’s day went; however, daughters don’t see a ton of questions as “caring.” Contrarily, they see it as being nosy or getting in their business.
The following are some helpful ways to choose battles and win:
Listen To Your Daughter. Listening is a skill that can be challenging to use many times, but try to listen to her. It’s also difficult to know that you have far more wisdom than her; however, it’s important to hear her out and let her develop her reasoning and decision making skills.
Involve Her in the Problem Solving Process. It’s natural to get in problem solving mode, dig into the solutions volt and offer some wise resolves. However, doing so deprives your daughter of valuable problem solving experiences. Allow her to make suggestions about how she thinks issues she’s involved in might be handled. Then together think and work towards a healthy resolve.
Ditch the Right-itous. We’ve all heard the saying “To err is human;” and, it couldn’t more applicable when it comes to parenting. Few things earns mothers more respect from daughters than moms admitting when they’ve made a mistake. In fact, it’s important for daughters to hear and see you in that light. It shows her the that mistakes can and do happen. The important thing is to admit and learn from them.